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The closest we will ever get to own a sports car.

It’s a funny joke isn’t it? You feel like your sides are splitting with the humour of it all. It’s your birthday party and suddenly someone says, “Hey Roger! Guess what? We’ve really pulled out all the stops this year. We’ve gone and bought you a sports car for your birthday!” At first there is that fleeting sense of inner excitement that you briefly believe that you are actually going to get an AC Cobra or an E Type Jaguar. Maybe it’s a Ferrari, any make or model will do it really doesn’t matter if it’s a Ferrari, or there is a more modern make like a Mclaren or a Bugatti Veyron awaiting you on the driveway. Maybe one of your friends or family has secretly won the lottery and this is their way of telling you. They do owe you for all those years of pints that you’ve stood for them in the local pub.

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“Yeah, ha ha, here it is Rog!” and then the amusing wag, showing all the wit and guile of Oscar Wilde, Bob Monkhouse and Ellen deGeneres all rolled into one, produces a toy version of an Aston Martin DB5. They’ve not even bothered to go to the expense of getting you the James Bond version with the bullet proof shield and ejector seat. Then everyone laughs ignoring the fact that you are a another year older and your son or daughter is probably going to be the only beneficiary of this gift as it will probably make its way into their Hot Wheels car collection where it will be forced to perform loop the loops and be fired at an unsuspecting cat. Said Cat will then duly pick it up in its mouth and run off with it. It’s not like they gone and got you something useful like a Sportscar lap tray which they could have quite easily chosen for you at https://personalisedlaptrays.co.uk/. There are hundreds of choices of make and models and then you’d have something to eat your tea off on the sofa or to do a tricky mini jigsaw on all whilst enjoying the view of your favourite sportscar.

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There is a way to stop this kind of humorous gift giving nonsense. Act like you’re really happy to have it. Here’s a little example of what to try.

“Oh wow! Thanks guys this is brilliant. I mean it’s so much better than an actual DB5! I mean what I would do with a classic sports car apart from drive around the estate looking all cool and suave and enjoying myself for once. You’ve saved me a fortune in insurance and extra MOT costs by buying me a child’s toy even though I’m actually 53. Thank you so much, best present ever!”

Then, start rolling it along the table going “brum, brum” and “beep, beep” with a rather exaggerated screeching tyre sound as it narrowly avoids driving off the edge of the table. They’ll also think that mid-life crisis is finally here as well.

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